retrospective

Today I applied for a ‘real job‘.

Originally, it worked for me, being a member of the casual labour pool at my organization.

But in the end I am a creature of habit, with a love of my small comforts. The irregular paydays and random department assignments made me itchy behind the eyes.

Seeing all the Chrismas shit hanging up everywhere and thinking about this new position has made me remember what I was doing this time last year: I’d just quit my job of 5 years.

I had no new job, just some money I’d set by in case my psyche ever hammered on that “EJECT!” button…I knew it was bound to happen one day.

In leaving P_____ (where I was an “inventory manager” of a million fussy little electronic parts), I lost out on lots of (ridiculously) good things: extended health benefits, cushy work hours, a fat bonus at predictable intervals, co-workers who didn’t obviously dislike me, and a kitchen stocked full of free, organic groceries. Ridiculous!

It wasn’t that I didn’t appreciate it. It’s just that my job at P_____was so eye-tearingly soul-suckingly batshit boring I wanted to chew my wrists open. I was also severely depressed generally and having 8+ hours of my day filled with forced ennui didn’t help matters.

The depression thing is still being sorted out although I feel a lot better. I go to the VGH Outpatient Clinic once a week or so. Having a year where I’ve made my own schedule has given me choice pick of the psychiatrist’s time slots!

I regret nothing about 12 months of spotty employment. Not that I did anything especially significant – I didn’t hop a freighter to anywhere or so anything write-home-about-it awesome – but I feel like a burden of imaginary obligation has been lifted. I don’t have to be a dancing fear monkey when it comes to money and survival.

I’ve been more thrifty than I thought possible, and adaptable – working some weird odd jobs.

I’ve written a lot more stories, read a lot more books, I’ve made and distributed my own comics, I’ve visited my out-of-town family at regular intervals, I’ve cycled a cumulative 10, 000 km – and how can I forget, I moved in with my partner R.

It turned out to be interesting that R., coincidentally, was experiencing similar lifely dissatisfactions at the same time. So instead of viewing my actions all askance and making me feel like a bum, we were mostly on the same page.

He left his position of 4 years last January. We shared quite a few adventures in the spring and summer, including a bike ride through the Rockies. We had lots of good conversations about boring-to-type-but-fun-to-talk-about things like work, responsibility, goals, and expectations. Now a year later we are both applying for further education. The wavelength we’re on is growing…

Bikes at rest on BC Ferry

Now in my organization a position with benefits and good hours is looming. I would like to have it. Although ultimately I plan to be in school full-time, for the next 6 months to a year I needa job! And I think shelters in the downtown eastside needs people who actually like being there. I’ve encountered a lot of coworkers who refer to the clientele disparagingly, people who can’t wait to leap into their SUVs at the end of the shift and roar back to Surrey or Kerrisdale where the DTES is just a nasty story to tell.

I like it there, though. I like where I am generally. And that is something I never thought I’d say.

Oppenheimer Park, East Vancouver