Food notes: “Cocoa Orbs” at Whole Foods Market

I hate Whole Foods! So big and shiny and smug! When they opened a new location near my house I said, “Be damned if you see me going to you just because you’re all close and everything.” So about 37 visits later while picking up some almond milk, I noticed something in their deli area that piqued my interest. It was a little chocolately, nutty looking thing called a “Cocoa Orb.” I looked at it for a long time. At this time, I was eating virtually no snacks as I was on a pell-mell timeline to become less of a fat ass. Fatty don’t need no chocolatey nut things!
Maybe it was the use of the word “orb” that did it, or the list of ingredients that was virtuously brief. Both created a sort of wholesome aura about this little snack. It meant no harm. It wasn’t no rumball, donut hole, or other decadent spherical dessert. It was an orb!
It had “cacao” in it, which is how you spell chocolate before it is molested by additives and things, while it is still fancy and pristine and fresh-picked from the chocolate bush. It had coconut and dates and agave sizzurup. That was about it. I figured if it was all nice and uncomplicated like that — no by-products or tricked-out weird stuff requiring further investigation by my inner Nutrition Police – then my body would simply let it pass on through without causing a fuss.
I ate one every day for weeks and licked the wrapper clean too. They tasted like rejoicing.